Powered By Blogger

Monday, April 26, 2010

Side Effects

So I have discovered that extreme dieting does have some side effects. Here are just a few:


Hunger: No, I'm not just talking about feeling a little peckish. I'm pretty sure my stomach thinks I lost my teeth.


Cold Hands: Diet appropriate foods are more often found in the fridge than on your pantry shelf. Something to do with fresh produce. Go figure.


Envy: I am jealous when I see anyone eat. Yeah, even little old ladies. Especially my mother, because she makes it look like it's so much fun.


Need More Pedicures. I can see my feet. 


Slow Reaction Time: I read somewhere that lack of carbs slows your reaction time, so no operating heavy equipment, no tractor trailer driving. Geez, does that explain why I'm driving slow enough to drive Miss Daisy? Or maybe it's just a Driving-in-Florida thing.


Mood Swings: Okay this might not be entirely accurate. I wouldn't say my mood exactly swings. The needle is pretty much stuck on foul. I wonder? Is that why they call them 'Skinny Bitches'?  And does that explain my road rage? Or maybe it's just a Driving-in-Florida thing.


Brain Drain:  I think the technical term is stupidity. Sometimes I just can't form sentences. I read somewhere that lack of carbs not only causes a slight memory loss,but also impacts your ability to concentrate. Or maybe it's just a Getting-old-in-Florida thing.


Poor Math Skills: I read somewhere that lack of carbs impacts your ability to add and subtract. Do you believe that? Well, you shouldn't! Just checking to see if you're paying attention.

Fatigue: Okay this is an easy one. After all, I am eating 500 calories a day. I'm not exactly ready to run a marathon. Actually it might be safe to say that I am not ready to run. Period. My get-up-and-go got up and went.


Thinness: The Holy Grail of side effects! But hang on. My final weigh-in  is looming, so the verdict's not in yet. Say a prayer.



No comments:

Post a Comment